Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Candy, Gum & Verbal Hot Air in Three Acts

There's always one in the crowd.They've got to pop that piece of gum out of the foil packet.
They do it slowly thinking that no one can hear.
You are only making matters worse.
Contrary to popular belief, the slow pop is not the better option.
There is no better option.
There is no right way to get the gum out of the foil during a show.

Same goes for hard candy.
You've been told but you don't listen.
You don't prepare for the next two or three hours.
You can't wait 'til intermission.
Why?  Why do you do it?  
It is the equivalent to an addict's fix.
Learn from this.

While we're on the subject of noise.
Do you have to discuss your opinions and comment to your partner during the show?
That whisper is not a whisper, you know.  We can hear you one block of seats over.
If only you offered up some thoughtful insight, but, no-you're merely stating the obvious. 
Keep it 'til intermission or the walk back to the car.
You're oblivious to the look your row mates are giving you.
You're oblivious to the SHH; you don't hear the SHUSH! (my favourite).
What is to be done with you?

Is that your cell phone ringing?